Jon’s First Father’s Day! June 20, 2009

Tomorrow is Jon’s first Father’s Day. I think back to when we first saw Sam. As Jon held him for the first time, tears rolled down his cheeks. There was an instant bond between the two of them. I think back to when we brought Sam home on the plane. Jon held sweet baby Sam through the really really bumpy plane ride. I think back to when Sam got his first shots and tears again rolled down Jon’s cheeks wishing he could take away the discomfort. I think back to when Sam was sick and wanted to be held round the clock and Jon would hold him the entire night. I think back when Jon read to Sam the book Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis, and was barely able to get the words out. I think back to when Sam first smiled, laughed, rolled over or started to crawl (last night!) and the excitement on Jon’s face as he understands what a great miracle this child is in our lives. And then I think back to the time we said goodbye to Sam’s birthparents and the tears as Jon promised Sam’s birthfather that he would always love and protect their son. He has done that, and so much more.

Small boys become big men

through the influence of big men

who care about small boys.

- Anonymous

Happy Father’s Day!!!

For Me. May 4, 2009

“There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better in a sense. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.” Author Unknown

 

I saw this quote today and loved it. It sums up my experince with our little guy thus far.  To my mommy friends…you are all wonderful and fabulous parents and this isn’t to mean that I  don’t think you love or appreciate your children. I know you do- in fact, I love them too!  This is simply and selfishly for me and for my “different” journey to motherhood. 

Rachel

My Little Valentine! February 14, 2009

 

Where have we been for the past three months? Sleeping. Feeding. Changing. Rocking. Bathing. (Certainly not in that order!) Adjusting to being parents. Loving our little boy. Enjoying our miracle.  It has been an incredible (and exhausting!) three and a half months! I love our little boy more anything. It is a pleasure being his mom. At times, as I’m folding laundry or changing his diaper or feeding him in the middle of the night, I smile. I smile because I’m lucky to be part of his life. I’m lucky that his birthmom made a courageous decision that resulted in me being a mom. I’m lucky to have a front row seat to his little personality unfolding. I’m lucky to be the recipient of so many smiles and giggles.  

 

He had me at hello….

49 days December 15, 2008

Seven weeks ago, our lives were changed forever. Seven weeks before that, our angel had found us, and the time had come to meet her and our new baby boy.

A blur of a day of travel brought us to a dark night in the Midwest, and as we drove with no traffic around us, and only the moon, the stars, and each other for company, I don’t think we realized what we were in for. We talked some, but mostly thought, and tried to figure out what our life was going to be like, and convince ourselves that it was really happening for us, so soon.

Today, as good friends of ours are at the same point in their story that we were those seven weeks ago, I can’t imagine life any other way, and when I read about adoptions that have so much heartache after the placement, I am reminded how grateful I am for the course of our journey to this point. As hard as things were getting to this point, the smile of my little boy looking up at me makes it all worth it.

-Jon

Our Bundle of Joy!!! October 30, 2008

Our baby boy was placed in our arms this morning!!! We have truly felt the love of our family and friends through these last few weeks (when we haven’t been posting as frequently) and are thrilled beyond belief!

The best birthday present September 28, 2008

We went to dinner at Rachel’s parents today to celebrate our birthdays (mine was 2 weeks ago, hers was today). While we were there, Rachel got a call that we had been waiting for since Thursday, a call from a friend who has been going through some hard times lately, but has still been helping us along our journey. I don’t think anything I could have gotten Rachel for her birthday would have meant as much to her as this call did today. For this, and many experiences like this as we’ve been making this journey together, we will be forever grateful.

After 8 1/2 years together, I am more convinced than ever that there is no one better for me, today and always, than my dear Rachel. As we’re together, in happy times and sad, she helps me find a way to be better every day, and helps me realize that happiness like we share makes all the hard times worthwhile. I consider her companionship my present every day. I love you dear!!!

-Jon

Happy 30th Birthday! September 15, 2008

 

So cute!

Today is Jon’s 30th birthday. Yup, the world (mostly me) is celebrating 30 fabulous years of Jon. In order to celebrate, I thought I would make a list of 30 things I love about Jon.  Too bad he isn’t 112 because there are more than 30 reasons.

 

1. he gets me (I could technically repeat this for all thirty)
2. he can add really big numbers in his head
3. he loves to travel and see new things
4. he took me to the circus for my birthday last year
5. he gets goose bumps during the national anthem
6. he knows how to fix everything
7. he knows how to cook
8. he scrubs toilets
9. he is reliable
10. he loves our nieces and nephews more than words
11. he is tender
12. he is patient
13. he goes swimming with me even though he doesn’t float
14. he loves my family
15. he helped build our family lodge
16. he holds me when I cry
17. he plays games with me
18. he wins most of the time
19. he has a big heart and loves to serve others
20. he loves his family
21. he does the laundry
22. he understands the words I make up
23. he can reach the high stuff on shelves
24. he is foxy!
25. he is foxy! (so foxy it is worth mentioning twice!)
26. he knows a little bit about everything
27. he knows how to be silly
28. he wishes me “happy birthday time” at 9:28pm
29. he is my favorite person
30. he is going to be an incredible daddy!

 

I look forward to celebrating many more birthdays with him. Here is to a wonderful day and another fabulous year of Jon.  I’m so lucky he is in my life. 

-Rachel

Salmon, Sweet Potatoes, And In-Laws! September 1, 2008

 

Jon's Parents

Last night we had Jon’s parents over for dinner. Aside from being the parents to my favorite person, they are two people I admire and love. We had salmon and sweet potatoes and they didn’t even laugh for me about being obsessed over making two orange foods. I’ve watch too many cooking shows that talk about having a diversely colored plate.  It was fun chatting with them and Jon had a great time showing his dad the projects he is working on around the house.

 They are good in-laws who have always cared about me. I first got to know them about 8 years when I went camping with them in Moab. Jon’s dad likes to talk about me helping unload the truck and setting up his tent in addition to mine. For me, the thing I remember the best is meeting the family dog, Nibbs. She wasn’t a normal dog. As long as I was petting her, she was a sweet dog, but as soon as I pulled my hand away, she would snarl and bark like she was ready to attack. Apparently, that meant she wasn’t done being petted – I still don’t get it. Either way, It was there I got to know Jon’s parents.

In the 8 years following that trip, we have grown closer and spent countless time together as a family.  They are completely supportive of our decision to adopt. I was touched once again last night to hear of them taking advantage to tell their neighbors and friends about our desire to adoption. I’m proud to carry their name, and am grateful for the love and support they give me… even after serving them two orange foods for dinner.

-Rachel

Blessings, love, and Musings August 3, 2008

It was kindof a big weekend in our family, as far as church stuff goes. Yesterday, my niece was baptized and confirmed, and I was able to be a witness to the baptism, and in the circle as her father confirmed her. I was reminded how special the ability to act in priesthood ordinances is, and how much I am grateful to be able to participate in blessing those whom I love.

I was in the circle when my cousin’s little boy was blessed today, one of two in their ward, and a total of 3 baby blessings we listened to when you count the one in our ward. Not to start the pity party, but today was one of those days that it’s really hard to be waiting, hoping that our time is coming soon, so that we can be part of the joy that comes with all the new events in a little one’s life.

It also makes me think about what birthmothers/firstmothers go through in their lives.  They must want to know that their child is part of a loving and caring family, and in a case like today, where dozens of people on both sides of the family were in the congregation to support my cousin’s little boy, I can only imagine that families like this are what the plan is all about.

-Jon

These Are a Few of Our Favorite Things July 30, 2008

Rachel		Jon
Lemony Snicket	Author	Eoin Colfer
Hot chocolate with hazelnut syrup	Drink/Beverage	Mountain Dew
Series of Unfortunate Events	Book	Artemis Fowl
Take 5	Candy Bar	Snickers
Yearly family reunions with the extended family	Childhood Memory	Camping and hiking trips with my family
My Kid Sister doll, her name was Emily	Childhood Toy	LEGOS
Orange	Color	Red
Brownies – the fudge kind	Dessert	Chocolate Pie
Switzerland	Dream Vacation	European Castles
Gelato	Food	Cheese
Five Crowns	Game	Skip-bo
Cooking	Hobby	Reading
Christmas	Holiday	4th of July
Cooking Light or Rachael Ray	Magazine	TIME
Taking Jon to Disneyland for the first time	Memory with Spouse	Hearing Rachel say “holy crap that’s big” after seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time
Gilmore Girls (why did it have to end?)	TV Show	West Wing
Josh Groban	Music	Classic Rock
Breakfast foods	Thing to cook	Barbecue
Driving by the giant inflatable Santa  (obscenely giant – it makes me laugh)	Tradition	Waking up early on Christmas to open presents

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking July 21, 2008

One of my favorite poems…

-Rachel

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang up my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I believed there is a God I could always talk to.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I LOOKED….and wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.

-Mary Rita Schilke Korzan

Moments of wonder July 19, 2008

 

Milwaukee Harbor lighthouse

We made it to Milwaukee a couple of days ago, and have been spending time with our dear friends and their cute 1-year old little boy.  Last night we took a boat tour on the river and Lake Michigan with them, and I found myself wishing (a lot) that we had a little one in our lives. It is amazing how much this little guy can change our hearts and perspective on life in just a few days.  The waiting is hard, but these moments give a glimpse of the sweetness that lies ahead. This has been a fabulous vacation! 

 

-Jon

…And the skies were not cloudy all day July 16, 2008

We spent the last few days crossing South Dakota and Minnesota. The picture was taken in Wind Cave, just a little bit south of Mt. Rushmore, but we also saw the Crazy Horse monument, spent time driving through the Badlands, and played a lot of games together.  We took along Jon’s parent’s GPS and had fun plugging in our destinations and the laughing at where it actually sent us. The first night of our trip we plugged in a restaurant. The GPS took us up the side of a mountain. As we headed up there, we got excited for a resort town type restaurant/dinner. When it told us we were at our destination, we were facing the side of a mountain with nothing there. It is lucky we didn’t chuck the thing out of the window. Note to all: the Broken Spur Cafe in Casper, WY does NOT exist (at least that we could find). 

South Dakota is beautiful. We could have spent a week there and still have not seen everything there was to see. Mostly it was nice just spending time together. We even ended up extending our trip longer than planned. Our phones were out of range for most of the trip so we were able to focus on what matters most…our family!

-Rachel

Another Road Trip July 7, 2008

We’re getting ready to head out on a road trip! We’ve spent most of our vacations west of the Rockies, but this time we’re heading through South Dakota and Minnesota on the way to Milwaukee.  Mount Rushmore, Minuteman Missile silos, and lots of nothing, plus a few lakes and the Mississippi River.  Should be a good trip, and we’ll post pictures as we go (hopefully)!

- Jon