49 days December 15, 2008

Seven weeks ago, our lives were changed forever. Seven weeks before that, our angel had found us, and the time had come to meet her and our new baby boy.

A blur of a day of travel brought us to a dark night in the Midwest, and as we drove with no traffic around us, and only the moon, the stars, and each other for company, I don’t think we realized what we were in for. We talked some, but mostly thought, and tried to figure out what our life was going to be like, and convince ourselves that it was really happening for us, so soon.

Today, as good friends of ours are at the same point in their story that we were those seven weeks ago, I can’t imagine life any other way, and when I read about adoptions that have so much heartache after the placement, I am reminded how grateful I am for the course of our journey to this point. As hard as things were getting to this point, the smile of my little boy looking up at me makes it all worth it.

-Jon

National Adoption Day! November 15, 2008

As I write, I have a sleeping baby on my chest. So tiny. So Perfect. A miracle at minimum. He has changed me. He is healing my broken heart. I’m forever grateful for our sweet Holly who gave him life. I cherish the bond I have with her. It is unlike any other human bond.  She made me a mother.  I marvel daily at her love and at the miracle of adoption. I will never be the same…

 

Thanks Holly. May angels be at your side forever. You are our angel. 

-Rachel

The best birthday present September 28, 2008

We went to dinner at Rachel’s parents today to celebrate our birthdays (mine was 2 weeks ago, hers was today). While we were there, Rachel got a call that we had been waiting for since Thursday, a call from a friend who has been going through some hard times lately, but has still been helping us along our journey. I don’t think anything I could have gotten Rachel for her birthday would have meant as much to her as this call did today. For this, and many experiences like this as we’ve been making this journey together, we will be forever grateful.

After 8 1/2 years together, I am more convinced than ever that there is no one better for me, today and always, than my dear Rachel. As we’re together, in happy times and sad, she helps me find a way to be better every day, and helps me realize that happiness like we share makes all the hard times worthwhile. I consider her companionship my present every day. I love you dear!!!

-Jon

Good things in music August 26, 2008

This last week has been one of the harder times in our journey, and I came out of the weekend feeling totally inadequate and emotionally drained. Yesterday on the way home, I turned my iPod to Michael McLean. For anyone who hasn’t heard him before, he is an LDS singer-songwriter, and has written several songs that have had huge personal meaning for me over the years. A couple of good ones in a row came on for me yesterday-

- The Gift We Could Not Give Each Other
- Hold On
- From God’s Arms to My Arms to Yours

The first and last ones are specifically about adoption, both from the Adoptive couple side and from the birthmother side of things, while Hold On is more about enduring the trials that come to you along the way to great blessings. Now before you get cynical and think that I have only a few of his songs on my iPod, and it’s not that unusual to come up with that series of songs, I have almost 100 of his songs, among the 3000 songs I have on my iPod at any given time, and few of his songs have ever spoken to me as personally as those three in a row did. His music gave me renewed strength and focus to continue on our adoption journey, and reminded me that in the end, whatever trials we face along the way, they will be be insignificant compared to the blessing of adoption.

- Jon

Blessings, love, and Musings August 3, 2008

It was kindof a big weekend in our family, as far as church stuff goes. Yesterday, my niece was baptized and confirmed, and I was able to be a witness to the baptism, and in the circle as her father confirmed her. I was reminded how special the ability to act in priesthood ordinances is, and how much I am grateful to be able to participate in blessing those whom I love.

I was in the circle when my cousin’s little boy was blessed today, one of two in their ward, and a total of 3 baby blessings we listened to when you count the one in our ward. Not to start the pity party, but today was one of those days that it’s really hard to be waiting, hoping that our time is coming soon, so that we can be part of the joy that comes with all the new events in a little one’s life.

It also makes me think about what birthmothers/firstmothers go through in their lives.  They must want to know that their child is part of a loving and caring family, and in a case like today, where dozens of people on both sides of the family were in the congregation to support my cousin’s little boy, I can only imagine that families like this are what the plan is all about.

-Jon

Birthmothers and First Mothers July 7, 2008

Please excuse me as I stumble trying to convey my thoughts on this subject. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the last couple of days about the terminology of birthmother vs. first mother. I first heard the phrase “first mother” as I was perusing the web over the weekend and I LOVE it.  I like how it sounds. I like what it implies.  To our family the birth/first mother’s role encompasses so much more than merely the pregnancy and birth.  Someone once told me that when you love someone, a part of you will always love them and they will forever have a place in your heart.  Just as the first mother will always love her child, we, as a family, will always love her for role she plays in our family.  I am humbled daily to think about the legacy of love the first mother passes on to her child and eternally grateful to someday have the opportunity to add to the legacy, as the second mother.

-Rachel 

Our letter… July 3, 2008

Hello,

Words cannot express the gratitude we feel in our hearts for mothers who provide selfless and loving stewardship for their children. We have longed to have our lives and hearts touched by the positive influence of a child. In spite of our struggles in this journey we have grown closer together. We are united as best friends fully committed to each other and our future family. 

As many couples do, we’ve spent countless hours dreaming of our future family and what kind of parents we will be.  In addition to giving our children heaps and heaps of unconditional love, we want to be the kind of parents who lead by example, and foster an environment where it is safe to make mistakes and where dreaming big is encouraged. We want to teach our children to be accepting of others and non-judgmental.  As a family, we will celebrate their journey into our family and honor the brave woman who gave them life.

We won’t say we know what you’re going through, because frankly we can’t. What we do know is how grateful we are to you for even considering our family. Should you choose us to parent your child, we are interested in maintaining a relationship with you with updates, visits, and photos, if that is your choice. We sincerely hope you are getting the love and support you need from those around you and that you’ll feel peace through the upcoming days and months, whatever your decision.

Warmly,

Jon and Rachel